And I didn't care.

I don't know where my mind was yesterday? I was totally off kilter.

I only walked four minutes and I didn't care.
I drank a diet dr. pepper with my olive cheese bread for lunch and I didn't care.
I had a handful of dutch crunch chips before I ate three pieces of cinnamon toast for breakfast and I didn't care.
I ate processed mashed potatoes with processed gravy for dinner and I didn't care.

I thought about what I was doing and I didn't feel the slightest nudge in my conscience.

I couldn't sleep because I drank a chai at 5:30pm.

And I woke up at 5:30 this morning after going to bed at midnight, still buzzed with my mind spinning.

I write in my head while I lie in bed. It's annoying.
This morning I decided to just get up and write.


As I look back on the day, I wonder why I didn't care. I was not hungry, angry lonely or tired.

I was excited about the Packer win. I was not depressed. But I was off my routine and that is just about the only thing I can think of that would send me into such a odd mood.

The Starbucks is out of Chai. (weird huh?)
This changed my routine;
my routine of walking and eating.


I better pay attention to this and have a plan.

You can not eat healthfully and live healthfully without intent, without being conscious.

Today is a new day. Time to wake up.

I am a teeny big thrilled to be up off the couch and I am very happy for the friendly push of the Idita-walk.

I don't know why this little boy scout fundraiser in Nome Alaska lights a little fire under my lazy bottom,
but it does.

I am determined and will not fail at this puny challenge.

Today is day three and I just finished my walking for the day. For me it is best to do it right away.
I am out in the car with Katie at 7:15 and done with the morning drive by 7:30.

It works best for me if I just walk right away. So I jump out of the car and look at the clock and walk.
I have figured that in order to reach my goal of 1049 minutes in 59 days, I must walk 17.77 minutes a day.

That may seem frightfully short to you. But before Feb. 1, I didn't want to nor did I intentionally walk for ten minutes a day/month.

On a day like today when the thermostat varies between -4 and -10, I consider myself a champion.

So here is a little something I am doing. I don't want to walk at the mall. BUT when I get in the door at Target to buy my morning iced nonfat chai, I walk around the perimeter of the store. It takes seven minutes. So there you go.
Seven down.

Then this morning, I thought, I will walk around the parking lot for a few minutes. So I set my chai in the car and walked out to the back of the parking lot and back to the car. Going out was super. Coming back was frigid. Burning my face.

But. I gained another four minutes.

I jumped in the car and drove home. When I got home I went inside to grab a hat and thought I would try to get the rest of the minutes I needed for the day. I walked down to the corner and back.

Seven more minutes!

Hooray. Eighteen minutes in all.

Mission Accomplished.
For today.

Do I like anything about walking?

I like hearing the birds.
I like the way the sun shines on the mounds of snow.

I like keeping a promise to myself.
I like being done walking.

Kicking and screaming...and hanging onto the couch....


The idita-walk is coming up and I think I am going to give it a go.
The idita-walk is an event sponsored by the people of Nome Alaska. Walkers walk the same minutes as the dogs run in miles for the Iditarod. So the doggies run 1049 miles....we walk for 1049 minutes over a period of two months. (or less)
It's all about being healthy.


heavy. sigh.


I have taken this challenge twice in the past and completed it. And well....since a goal is important....

I am going to sign up.


Idita-walk





Start date is Feb. 1

If I walk 17.77 minutes a day I will accomplish my goal.

Here we go!!! mush!

I broke up with the Schwans Man.

He keeps coming by and I don't have the heart to tell him that I do not want to eat
any of the processed frozen food he has in is truck.

When I don't buy anything from him, he nearly cries.

I try to think of this or that to get from him.

Like Fudgecicles for my husband or Chicken Kiev for Katie.

But for me. There is nothing in the truck that I want.

I am cooking for myself. I am choosing the ingredients carefully and trying new recipes.

Sometimes I look at the packages of Lean Cuisine in the frozen food section of the grocery store...but then I think
about all the junk in them. I think. I will try to make that myself.

Some days we order pizza. Some days we stop at the village bar for a burger.

But most days, I am getting to be a regular Ina Garten; cooking in my pretty blouse, choosing fine ingredients and quietly cooking.

I am thankful that I have time to cook and time to shop and time to plan.
I am thankful that it gets me off the couch.


The Schwans truck used to be very loud and i could hide out in the house and not answer the door.
Now he has a quiet stealth like truck and I am fooled by it and I answer the door.

And then I have to say. No, I don't want anything today.
And her tries hard to sell me on something his little computer reminds him of...
and I say no thank you. again.

And then I feel badly.

But I know it's for the best.

Break ups can be hard.

I forgot about the egg for a moment there. It's been over a month since I made myself a hard boiled egg.
And I can't remember the last time I had a soft boiled egg.

What a perfect little healthy food.

Tomorrow I am having a soft boiled egg or two.

The hard boiled eggs I had today were fantastic.

Oh! little nuggets of flavor and protein...I wont forget you again...

The first diet food I remember is cottage cheese. My mom would watch her weight and I remember her eating cottage cheese.

I think of her when I eat cottage cheese. I eat it with scallions/green onions, salt and pepper.
I can't remember if she taught me the scallions trick.

But every time I eat it I think of her.

Funny thing is, my husband eats cottage cheese almost every night at dinner.
He does not eat it for dietary reasons. He just likes it.
In fact, he often asks for cottage cheese when we are at a restaurant to replace his salad.

My grandma always had peppermints in her drawer in her kitchen.

So does my husband.


Weird.


My mom went to Jack Lalane's exercise studio. She wore a pink leotard.

My husband has never worn a leotard.

That I know of.

1-11-11

People tell me all the time that I need to start exercising. They are wise and they are right.

But it is so hard to get up out of this chair and go do something.
It's like my ankles are chained to this spot.

Emma got me outside for a nice long walk (30 min) once over Christmas vacation. It was not unpleasant. I felt good when we got home.
But when she asked me to come along the next day, I said no thanks.

I wonder if I should join a gym?
I wonder if I should sign up for the Idiar-walk this year?

I wonder what will get me moving???

I wish I knew how to motivate myself in this area.

Jan. 6, 2011

If you want to read just about the best thing I have read on taking care of yourself,
go read the short essay over at Mental Multivitamin.

but if you don't have fun doing this

That's all for now.

Jan 5, 2011

I inadvertently stepped away from the Living Healthfully writing for longer than I ever thought I would.

I have not quit. I have only taken a break.

In the last few weeks, I has slipped and failed and broken a healthy living rule every day.
I have not broken every rule every day. But I have not been perfect.

And like Lizzy's father says in Pride and Prejudice.

I am heartily ashamed of myself, Lizzy.
But don't despair, it will pass...
...and no doubt more quickly than it should.

Truly, with a house full of company and entertaining and going here and there and out to eat I could not live the spartan, disciplined, healthy life.

I did not start drinking soda again. I had perhaps one Diet Dr. Pepper and I did not like it. I tried a little Sierra Mist and found it too sweet. That was a happy note. My taste buds may have changed and I like that.

I ate many too many candies. We are given delicious candies over the holidays and I ate them little by little.
The whole box of toffee took a week to eat instead of 24 hours. That's an improvement.

But I think eating the candies has awakened my desire for sugar so I will be watching that carefully.

I did not eat only when I was hungry and I will try to establish those wise and healthy eating patterns again.

I am not hungry when I wake up and find it is easy to wait for hunger.
Now I just need to start making better choices again.

My head feels clear and most of my heavy thoughts have lifted.
This may be because I have not gotten on the scale.

That DAN scale.

So it is back in the saddle I go.

Cooking and choosing healthy foods and eating small, appropriate portions.

It can be done. It shall be done.

Dec. 17, 2010

There is a package of salami sitting out on the counter because I didn't put it away after making
Katie her sandwich for school this morning. I am oh so tempted to take a little piece of salami and eat it right up.
But I said to myself. 'That is definitely not healthy.'

And then I walked away.

I will venture into the kitchen in one minute and put it away in it's little drawer.

I am just happy to say. That for this moment.

Disaster has been averted.

Dec. 13, 2010

Rule One.

Mostly I share rules from Michael Pollen's book, Food Rules, but today
I will share my own rule I made up while I way lying in bed this morning. Not sleeping.

Rule One.

Never, never, never take seconds.




I guarantee that you did not take too little the first time.
Last weekend I made myself a plate of food for lunch. Leftovers.
I finished my plate and without thinking went right back to take another piece of chicken pie.

And then I stopped.

I was not hungry.
I wasn't stuffed.

I talked myself out of seconds.

A remarkable achievement for a Sunday afternoon.

A rule was born.

Never, never take seconds.



***


Never eat more than you can lift.
~Miss Piggy

Dec. 12, 2010

It's been a rough week. It's incredible how much my mood and self worth is tied to my weight.
I know this is so wrong.

I am not defined by how much I weigh. Or at least that's what I tell myself.


But even setting small goals and failing to achieve those small goals sends me down into, I dare say a depression.

Now what do I usually do when I am depressed? I eat. I stuff those feeling down with food and I forget what I am sad about.

I caught myself doing this many many years ago.

My husband was home for lunch, he was cranky and I felt awful when he left.
I will never forget that moment as I saw him drive away and I was standing in the kitchen opening the cupboard as I watched his car zoom off.

I caught myself in the act. Mid chew. Mid stuff. I realized.
I really am trying to numb the pain with food.


So when life gets painful, even pain brought about by dieting, (which is really ironic)
I want to eat but do not eat so the sadness stays.

It is a daily battle to fight to get out of the dark thinking. Negative greet me first thing I wake up.

I am trying to replace those dark thought with truthful, positive thoughts first thing.
I am thanking God for the day. For being alive.

I am mostly trying to live this day with a grateful heart. This one day.

I can do this...today. Doesn't matter about yesterday or tomorrow.
I can do this with my attitude, my spirit and my eating.

My friend Di sent me a quote that spoke right to my heart.


"Surely we can do for one day that which seems impossible for a lifetime. "


At this point in my life, I can't make goals and I really shouldn't weigh myself.
If that is weird, that's okay with me.

My mental health is at stake.


Working on today is the best I can do.

Dec. 6, 2010

I don't know why it happened, but over the last three days, I have lost focus.
Saturday I ate when I wasn't hungry. More than once.
I am not eating large amounts of food, but just eating when I am not truly hungry. And it's like I had forgotten completely that I was trying to eat fresh, healthy foods.

For dinner on Saturday night , I ate a Schwans prepared frozen dinner with the family.
Roast beef and mashed potatoes with gravy.
I did not follow any Food Rules and ate it without thinking.

Then on Sunday I made Chex Mix. It's as if I was on auto pilot.
Why would I make a snack?

I don't snack any more.

So I ate it for meals.

A cup with my chai at lunch and a cup with three slices of ham at dinner.

Yes. I said ham.
I bought a little ham to try it out to see if it would be tasty to serve for Christmas Eve.
I tried it and it was delicious. Salty and yummy ham.

What on earth? Chex Mix and ham is not the way to health.
And it is not the way to weight loss.

I apparently know how to eat so I can maintain. It's a gift I have. I can stay the same better than anyone I know.

This is a depressing fact, especially this week when I wanted to have a nice weight loss to greet the Three Month mark of my
new way of eating and living. So instead of losing those three pounds (small goal that it was) I am sure when I get on that scale tomorrow morning, the number will be the same as it was two weeks ago.


You know that 21 day rule. It's bunk.
I am well over 21 days and eating healthy is NOT a habit. In fact, it seems extremely easy to forget I am even doing it.

Perhaps I was just tired of thinking about it.

Who knows.

I can wait for hunger today. I can make good choices today.
What more can a girl do?

I'll save the depression for tomorrow. Once I weigh myself I know I will be battling that all day.

Goody gumdrops.

Dec. 1, 2010

I could be very happy eating a bagel with butter and cream cheese every day. Twice a day.
I have done it. I don't get sick of it.

Even when my brother in law was religiously following Atkins and told me that bagels were the worst food in the whole wide world.....I kept eating them.

So, I really do try to eat something other than bagels, and the twice a day thing is very rare.

What helps me is to have meals prepared ahead of time.

This morning I made a hearty chili with lots of wonderful ingredients. I will eat this for lunch for days and days.
I suppose I could freeze it so I don't get tired of it. (That's a pretty good idea.)

I'm going to freeze half of it and next week I will have it again!
Many times I end of throwing some out because I have gotten tired of it.

This is genius!

Donna's rule #1

Freeze and save soups, chili's and stews.




Mexican Chicken & Barley Chili
This recipe is on the box of Quaker Barley

1 cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 cups water
3/4 cup Quick Quaker Barley
One 16-ounce can tomatoes, undrained, chopped
One 16-ounce can tomato sauce
One 14 1/2 ounce can chicken broth (organic)
One 4-ounce can chopped greed chilies, drained
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
3 cups, cooked chicken (organic)

Cook onion and garlic.
Add remaining ingredients except chicken.
Bring to a boil, lower heat, simmer 10 minutes.
Add chicken, simmer 10 more minutes or until chicken is warm and barley is tender.

Grated cheese and/or sour cream on top is lovely.
Green onions might be nice too.