Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day 43


1. Eating Healthfully is bad for my mental health.
2. Do not read this page if you are easily discouraged.
3. I am not an expert. I am just a person who is trying.

In fact, I feel badly that I have allowed people to come and read this website.
I can not inspire or encourage and that makes me feel bad.
I thought for a moment I would succeed at this and have a good story to tell.
Unfortunately my story my be one of frustration and depression.
Who wants to read that?

So please stop reading now...and I'm sorry.

I have promised myself that I would give this a go for a year.
And I will not stop now.

In order to change, I have to focus on myself.
When I focus on myself and myself fails over and over again, I become depressed.

The best way not to be depressed is not to focus on yourself. To focus on God or others.

Not focusing on myself and my weight has led me to weigh too much.

Focusing on myself and my weight is leading me to stay the same weight or gain weight, to be in physical pain and to be depressed.

It's fail, fail, fail.
Brick wall, week after week.

I make positive changes and I fail. I do not feel better.

I walk for miles, three days in a row and I gain weight.

I walk because everyone tells me I need to exercise. And when I do, I am miserable and gain weight.

Why did I think this time my efforts would succeed?
As I see it my year of living healthfully has been a huge bust so far. Huge.

Three hundred and twenty three days to go.

I should probably stop weighing myself every Tuesday.
It's only making me feel more and more terrible every week.