Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Day 9

I woke up yesterday with such good intentions.
Journal the news about my first week of weight loss. The big total.
But the big total wasn't so big. And I tried to cheer myself up and remind myself this was
just the beginning of a year long change.


That's all.
The day before it was -5 but yesterday morning it was -3.

So my day started with a disappointment and then I got a headache that wouldn't go away.
My had a lot of business to take care of and it was taking away my ability to go and get a Chai and
I was not able to plan for meals very well.

I realized that I comfort myself with food when I am feeling bad.
Emotionally or Physically.
The urge to eat is very strong.
But yesterday I held back. I did not over eat nor did I eat something unhealthy, but I felt crummy and depressed all day.

I had

Organic Eggs for breakfast and local bread.
Granola from the farmers market as a snack.
Cucumber Salad for lunch.
Homemade applesauce for snack....

but what was I going to do for dinner.

I wanted to not think about it. I wanted to go purchase something.
And I did. But not for myself. I bought Patrick and Katie ButterBurgers and Chicken tenders from Culvers.

This solved the cooking something for my family dilemma. They were delighted to have something to eat.

I on the other hand finally figured something out. I have a jar of Rao's spaghetti sauce in the fridge.
Rao's sauce is my very favorite spaghetti sauce. According to the jar it is made with all whole ingredients. No long words I don't recognize. Every ingredient I can see growing. This passes Michael Pollen's test.

But the noodles. They had words that I could not identify.

I ate them anyway. I had a little cottage cheese on my plate and my meal was very good.

I'll be thinking about this connection I have with food and disappointment and deprivation and depression this year.
All of those things that brought me pleasure are now off limits.

That glass of bubbling Diet Dr. Pepper is not my friend anymore. I miss it. It helped me get thru a rough day.

What I will replace it with, I don't know yet.

There is not much I find more pleasurable than eating sugary and salty foods with a lovely little glass of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Not even losing three pounds makes it better.

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